Me, Myself and I

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Medical Student, an inspiring Specialist and Sociable Human.

16 June 2014


Something I wrote a while back, inspired by my very first time I meet this one amazing woman. :)

It was like any other regular day in this tropical country, sunny and cheerful. Just a wonderful day to wake up to and head for a swim, a quick jog or a date! I wish I had time to do any of that, sadly I don’t. My work is waiting for me, and it’s a Saturday. Oh, the drag. So, here I am, graduated from high school, waiting for college admission and working at Chilli’s Restaurant to earn some money, and honestly to escape all the parental nagging and house chores.
                Just like any other working day, I make myself some good coffee and head out to Suria KLCC, the shining beacon of proud for Malaysians. I get to work and was quite content I was placed as a waitress for the day. That, compared to being the dishwasher, content I am. It was a busy day, people in, people out from morning. I used to wish I could be like any of those shopaholics who have indefinite wealth and able to shop in all those luxurious outlets, or marry a really rich guy. A girl can always dream.
                As I was sitting there, I started day dreaming on how amazing it would be to have a significant other to bring me out, to dine with me and share my living hours with. Someone who would laugh at my jokes because he thinks I’m funny, compliment me at random hours and someone who would make me feel worth living another day. I wonder is it all beautiful and wonderful when someone’s in love? Standing at 5 foot 4, my friends consider me attractive, though I wouldn’t brag about it. Slender, pretty, cute, gorgeous hair, these are some of the words boys used to call me. But all that mean nothing now, nothing especially after the previous guy dumped me for some ruthless whore.
                “Go attend table 12”, there goes my calling. So I bring myself to a stand, paste a friendly fake smile on my face and walk towards the table. It was 2 people, easy one I thought. I casually placed the menu on their table and the guy gave me the brightest smile I’ve seen in months and said “Thank You”. I quickly nodded and walked away, trying to hide my indian blush. Since I was intrigue, I walked past the table to catch a glance at whose opposite him, a girl, I would say she’s pretty. The girl opposite to him, in a purple top was indeed beautiful; I’m guessing they’re siblings.
                I gave them 10 minutes, and went to collect the orders, but they’re not ready yet. Trying not to get annoyed, I keep glancing at them at every chance I got. Trying my very best to catch glimpse of their conversations. Are they siblings? Are they not? Are they dating? Is this a date? Too young to be married, too old to be school going kids. So I went again, and they ordered. I was just trying to keep myself together. His voice was just pleasing to hear, and hers complemented his, annoying as it was. Then I saw a plastic bag on the table, inside it a small bouquet of a rose, a white rose. This is definitely a date. A small smile carved on my face.
                Besides being busy that day, I managed to steal a lot of moments to stare at this table. They’re actually talking, talking to each other and making each other laugh. In a place like this, in this era of internet enabled gadgets, I rarely see this. They kept refilling their drinks (oh, the drinks in this restaurant are bottomless. If you’re thirsty, you know where I am) and just getting entertained with each other. They seem to talk a lot and not get bored, besides a few glances to the amazing view outside. I just couldn’t help myself from smiling the whole day.
                When you work in a place like this, business meetings, married couples and groups of friends often crowd and make life difficult. But what affects me most is just seeing how unhappy these people can be. This young, vibrant couple just made a good change today. They sat in the restaurant for hours, in the same spot, not moving, even well after all the food had disappeared. I didn’t know there’s that much to talk about, they just look so happy with each other. Why do I not get such dates? Why all I get is some crappy movie date and staring at someone who’s staring at his mobile phone?

                Seeing this couple made my day, there may not be any grand signs of showing of love between them, heck, they didn’t even hold each other arms and snog shamelessly, but that’s what I liked about them. Despite being all modest, they seem very genuine to each other. Her laughter, his smile, her shy blush at his compliments, the twinkling in their eyes just gave me hope. They may be getting to know each other or have been with each other for years now, but seeing them being happy just is just… addictive. It gives you this glow, this urge to go find your own happiness. They gave me hope. 

08 February 2012

Physical Contact. :P

Virginity is like a balloon, 1 prick and its gone forever!
Sex is like pack of chips once u start you cant stop
Exam paper is like dick when its hard people get fucked!
Fate is like getting raped if you cant fight learn to enjoy it
Work is like group sex 10 people are behind your ass to take your place
education is like hiring a prostitute it needs both your money and hard work
success is like masturbating only your own hand can let you achieve it.

nananana, I wanna start a fight. Haha, each and every single day, that feeling is somehow inside me. P!nk is so true, so What, I am a rockstar, I got my rock moves. Well, in reality, no one cares. Drama, people watch, gossip, move on. No implication on them or whatsoever. Why make drama in real life, besides with true friends of course. Because with them, they know you, they know it's a joke, they wouldn't take it sensitively, they would come and tell you what the real problem is. Your voice, your attitude, your obliviousness, your annoyingness, anything. But, how many of us do walk up to someone we call close friends and claim all what we dislike? Best unspoken deal, just pretend everything's fine, smile and just forget their existence in good times. Laife. :/

Moving on, Have you take a moment to think how fortunate we are? How we get what we need, and sometimes, or usually what we want as well? Last weekend, I spent my time with 1000 kids in Seberang Prai, Penang Mainland, and they taught me a little gratitude. And no, they're not just any children. They're special children, Homeless, Orphanage, Autistic, Spastic, Down's Syndrome, other Hereditary Genetic Disorder, Mental Illnesses and other categories of special Children. Basically, I am a Children lover, and this event was a heaven invitation. :) Sad to say, most of the Orphans & Homeless are Indians. Not being racist, but what is with the smallest majority Race in Malaysia? Malaysia's official statistics says the other way tho, so, what is there to believe? And seriously, y u Indians abandon your children? Y U NO HEART?! And no, the shoutout doesn't only go to a particular race, it goes to everyone. These children were really awesome, playing around, all their rules and grounds already so so much different from all of ours. Lack of parents, what would you do? Would you grow extra set of horns and longer tail? Or would you resort into depression? Or would you channel all that loss into proper education? And what if you don't stand a chance for an awesome tertiary education with scholarship considering the kiasu competition with expensive tuition centres, bribing of higher education department and all? What is there in their future? What are these parents looking when they abandon them? Of themselves or that these centres provide better things than they can for these innocent souls? I'm in doubt, for sure, forever will. 

Meet Kesevan, from Penang.

And when we asked him to Smile. ;)

Thanks to Rotary Club Seberang Jaya, 1000 kids have an added smile.

If you *touchwood* happen to have a Child with Down's Syndrome or any other mental retardness related sickness, what would you do? Would you say you'll accept her now and rethink again when the situation really hits you? What if accepting your child is a door that changes your life and your spouse's life forever and you're not sure it's wrong or right? And when everyone wants a perfect family portrait, one child with genetic disorder will come in the way? But, what is the harm done by this knowing nothing baby that it deserves to be sent away, but is there a better place than being with the original, true parents? One minute you're up, and the next minute you're breaking, knowing nothing what you are doing. Feel like one in a million that you're making an effort to prove that you shouldn't let go, especially children, your own child, for the fact. Because when the world stops, there wouldn't be regret that you didn't try whatever that could be done to make Earth a better place, for all, retarded or not. Please realise, one small wrong step, one small wrong decision, one small wrong word, and all, all you've been fighting for will be gone wasted. One small second you let your guards down, it may change your fate. You don't know, but that is happening. One small decision, one split second, you might suffer the consequences forever. One small effort to make someone smile, you get nothing. Nothing monetary, but satisfaction. Satisfaction overrides everything? One never know until he/she is at their deathbed. To really get a picture of what it is these decisions would effect years years later or how it shapes what happens next, please go visit orphanage or even these homes for special children, what did they do wrong? Not saying that what they going through is the worst situation, but are they given the same oppurtunities as us? If you think they're given so much more, would you trait your childhood with them? ;) And do look up for this book; The Memory Keeper's Daughter by Kim Edwards. I learnt so much from it, and the moving moment is when the Father passed away and how the brother accepts the sister. Really warm, I tell you. :)
It's also a movie, yet to watch!

But of course, falling in love is never wrong. Expressing your love to each other is never wrong, just simply have some brains. Relationships are not to be broken when there's problem, not to be taken granted of, and not to just simply fool, cheat and sleep around with. Which makes it even more harder to find the one. And when you do, the courage somehow dissapears. Okay, I'm nervous . -.-' :) As what Jason Mraz says in "I Won't Give Up"

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not
And who I am

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
Still looking up.

Or can watch it ;)

Hyped up for Valentine's Day? Early wishes. ;)

13 January 2012

Don't Let Me Go.

And it all comes down to a boy and a girl. ;)

Some things we don't talk aboutbetter do withoutjust hold a smilewe're falling in and out of lovethe same damn problem
It has been long since I blogged and yeah, I do realise that it'd been long since I even wrote an English essay or an expression of thought, besides the ultra short Facebook and Twitter updates. Well, those social networks certainly take in less time than Blogger, and in a student's aspect, a Medical Student for that matter, those are much better. 

Was listening to "Never Say Never" by The Fray; 
And I was so captivated by all the lyrics and the whole song by itself. All this while I haven't actually listened to the lyrics, just assumed it's a motivation song, and now, now I realise it's a love song, a sweet one. 

Picture, you're the queen of everythingas far as the eye can seeunder your commandi will be your guardianwhen all is crumblingsteady your hand
Is there the possibility from waking up from a heartbreak alright? Is there a possibility of seeing a person used to matter alot and now not feel anything? And to justify yourself that things just happen and it's neither of your fault or blame yourself? How is it than even when we know it wasn't worth a shit and being told that it wasn't worth what you taught, you still long there was a mistake? Or how what you thought you knew were all fake and just a drama that was acted along so perfectly you memorised all the lines of lies? How if all you hoped is now new hopes of your counterpart with a new person, and many many more people that's gonna be with her? And one day, you wake up, it's the Friday, 13th of January 2012, just 11 months short of the Mayan's 21st December and you know for sure that that wasn't the problem all along. That never was. 

Have you experienced goosebumps? Good goosebumps? Excited goosebumps? The moment when you look at someone and you know there is a future with that person? And how if the person is afraid of falling for you because of something you promised before? How if before, the naive and the person who wanted to save things and not worsen anything out of fear couldn't see the emotional roller coaster of the future? How if you never thought that you feel this power? Never thought the comfort of expressing is as easy as ABC even when you don't want to tell anything, it just comes out? Never thought that attachment was actually a bad thing? How if all you wanted is something more and your body has been rejecting it due to all the rational reasoning of your brain and what you think others evaluate? But then again, wasn't love just a crazy thing, a blind thing, a mindless, soulful thing? Should there be room for rational  reasoning in the name of love? How if now as you watch a bird flying free, you feel that it wasn't that bird that was caged, it was you. You were the bird in the cage, unable to escape, unable to break the lock and been not able to see things from a superior bird's eye view? How if all this comforting isn't comforting? They say attachment leads to expectation leads to dissapointment. How if when you say there was no expectation, you left the huge room inside yourself to build expectation and you are dissapointed, every single time? And when a single swoosh of action, you just get back to being all fine and normal? How does this function? What if you thought the attachment is non-existing and just a huge rope you tied in your head to the other counterpart? What if the burden of the rope is only in your shoulders? How does one's reaction and ways of action reflect the way they think and what they want? What if their eyes plays more tricks than the words? What if the body flirts and the words come out are intellectual? Why a third person sees this all and mention it, just to be denied? Why the denial exist? Is fear such a devil to be feared? What if all you want is to avoid dissapointment and it's actually already there, even without the risk? After all, it's just thoughts and all the synapses working it's work under stress. What if, the only biggest fear is being forgotten? Being just left aside of a busy road and not looked back? What if you sense that absoluteness of being left and you start waking the other direction all by yourself? How if what you thought wasn't correct? What if the joke is on you?

What if you fall for someone just for the looks? Just for the appearance? Just because someone seem to have similarities with someone else you really like? Someone you adore? Similarities with a celebrity? What if being with her would bring all those memories with your previous encounter of love because of the scary similarities? Or just because there's a rumor? Or because of the thrill for a short-distance relationship and going throught everything you been through again? Does that justify making new memories or the mere of refreshing memories? After all, the settings is the same, the people surrounding are the same, the MO of the tricks are the same. What if it ends the same way? What if you cause the other a heartbreak because your lack of sensitivity? Or what if, looks is not all that matter, or that is also another mere reasoning of rationalization?

We're falling apartand coming together again and againwe're coming apartbut we pull it togetherpull it together, together again
don't let me go,don't let me go, don't let me go,

Or what if a person just pops out in the middle of the railtrack and gives you the excitedness you've never felt before? The excitedness you always wanted to feel, all comes gushing in. What if this person that you interpreted to be something else is actually special and unique in an ultra cute way? And how if when your stupid rational realisation says there's no way you'll ever be liked, you actually get response? Or you assume you are not liked? But how can you be liked when you can always find flaws in yourself? What does it mean, if you keep constantly been reminded of what she will be in real life next to you? They say love is blind? Is it deaf as well? Can a person fall in love with a person they haven't heard the voice of? Or love too big of a word for now? Because when the usage of that word suggests all taboo and all silly little things that is scary and too big to be true? How if all the time you spend texting that person, a big smile is carved on your face like a mad men? What if it's true, there's the fear of dissapointment? How if all the counterpart want is friendship and you pushed it too far to be repaired? How if this expression of thought already too much? Or how if it is just meant to be, and when it meant to be, it would be? How does fairytale arise? What if jetlag and lovelag is what fears you? And when you hear stories that made the distance, you feel reassured? What if your brain is overworking in the wrong direction when it's suppose to be studying? How if all you want now is to be happy and not think? And you know that one person who is awesome enough to make you laugh and make you feel the lalalalala and make you feel so lalalalala? How if you know who that person is? And how does one react when that person is reading this? And all you want is to enjoy the moment because this moment is so naice. It's Laife, after all. ;)

06 January 2012

Twist your tongue, a bit, LAH.

If you can pronounce correctly every word in this poem, you will be speaking English better than 90% of the native English speakers in the world.
After trying the verses, a Frenchman said he’d prefer six months of hard labour to reading six lines aloud.
Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.
Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it’s written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.
Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
Exiles, similes, and reviles;
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far;
One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
Gertrude, German, wind and mind,
Scene, Melpomene, mankind.
Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.
Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward.
And your pronunciation’s OK
When you correctly say croquet,
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.
Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
And enamour rhyme with hammer.
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Doll and roll and some and home.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour.
Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
And then singer, ginger, linger,
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.
Query does not rhyme with very,
Nor does fury sound like bury.
Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.
Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.
Though the differences seem little,
We say actual but victual.
Refer does not rhyme with deafer.
Fe0ffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Mint, pint, senate and sedate;
Dull, bull, and George ate late.
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific.
Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.
We say hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
Mark the differences, moreover,
Between mover, cover, clover;
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but police and lice;
Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.
Petal, panel, and canal,
Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor.
Tour, but our and succour, four.
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Sea, idea, Korea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.
Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion and battalion.
Sally with ally, yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.
Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
Heron, granary, canary.
Crevice and device and aerie.
Face, but preface, not efface.
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.
Ear, but earn and wear and tear
Do not rhyme with here but ere.
Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,
Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.
Pronunciation (think of Psyche!)
Is a paling stout and spikey?
Won’t it make you lose your wits,
Writing groats and saying grits?
It’s a dark abyss or tunnel:
Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict and indict.
Finally, which rhymes with enough,
Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
Hiccough has the sound of cup.
My advice is to give up!!!
English Pronunciation by G. Nolst Trenité

07 August 2011

One crab weighs One Kilogram!

Yessss, one Crab, the double medium liveable ones, sorry my Vocabulary brain is pretty rusted. It's quite early in the morning and the pangs of blogging suddenly hit me. Yes, I'm pretty crazy.

My MBBS Intake is officially on Monday, which is just a little more than 24 hours from now. Pretty excited yet thinking about unrotting my brain and making it active again is just a tiring thought, isn't it? Well, may the graces and luck be by myside as it had been for the past years all along since birth. :) Thanks Universe!

UNIVERSITY back again, back same place, same people, different faculty, different challenges, higher stakes! Looking forward to, pretty much.

Lately, Adele and Demi Lovato had been sharing rights on entertaining me and feeding my pangs of loud, croaky singing! Check this out, pretty nice, three great songs, one short vid. However, For me Gwenyth Paltrow's version of Turning Tables as in Glee (I know, too much glee!) is VERY THE UNIQUE.

Anyone noticed how cool nerd glasses are? I think they're awesome, tho once I swore never to wear it. How ironic. The past week thought me a little something on life. When you're buying a bag, especially a branded one; CHECK ALL THE SIDES. TYVM. Because it super shucks to have a hole once you brought it home. Scumbags, I know! And sometimes, people that you've been closed with in past years can be a good friend again tho you've had one, two or too many conflicts, of course sometimes, maybe not all is forgiven. Life has it's charm, always.

As I was sitting after dinner with my family and after realizing one crab weighs 1kg, we were talking on my memories of my late grandfather. And it hit me how little I still remember him yet I hold strong to the things I know, the pictures, the talked memories. His voice? I may not remember but I always thought of him in guiding me and this new adventure that I'm about to take shall first be a tribute to him, the late and once a proud Sarjan Mejar. It might have been his dream, as I believe and I shall do myself and my clan proud. :)

So much touchy-touchy stuff, I might as well provide tissue papers. Anyway, the REAL point of blogging tonight is to satisfy my writer soul in me, since Im gonna take the road very frequent taken into the Medical world and will be then be obliged to nerding and over-stressing up my brain that I assume keeping up with a blog may be hard. But, I shall see, wont I? :)

*Scratches head and glances at the clock* Shoots, looooong journey tomorrow. Very, actually. Good sleep I'll need now. :)

Note to self: Block your mind of shopping, idiot box, dramas, everything else (?!) and add BOOKS into the TODOLIST. :D

One day, babeyh.

31 July 2011

Rolling In The Deep

Well, my favourite song for right now is Rolling in The Deep, originally sung by Adele in her album 21. It's a wholesome awesome song and there isn't any better for now. And yeah, GO ADELE. 21 is friggin awesome, shall get the album soon. :)

And here is the original official MV by Adele:

And since it's a bloooooooooooooody awesome song, many if not all artiste are jumping to make covers of it. Well, here is the GOOD and THE BAD. :D

The BEST, for me, that is,

GLEE'S Version, in Season 2, Prom Queen Episode. Sung by Lea Michele and Jonathan Groff

John Legend; eternally portray the strong and fierceness of the song

The GOOD ones:

Linkin Park! Love the ending part where he plays with the lighter high notes. :)

David Cook, forgotten him already? It's among the best. His voice is just so deeeeep and strong. Eargasm! BTW, that hairstyle ROCKSSSSS!

Mike Tompkins, Acapella Cover. This guy is friggin creative. JUST WATCH THIS.

Haley Reinhart of American Idol 2011; love how strong and forceful her cover sounds!

Boyce Avenue; Laid back a bit but still there's that grip.

Maddi Jane; Check out the chorus! Tho little, she has that edge for this song.

Nicole Scherzinger: well coming from her, it's pretty admirable.

Kina Grannis; nothing much special. Not entirely bad, and like how she utilizes the acoustics. OKAY, the songs stops like in the mid of vid and then she TALKSSSS LIKE SUPER LONG. -.-'

The WEIRD one:

Mike Posner with all his techo groooves. What i don't get is why is ADELE'S voice in it??? And btw, his voice is eargasm, sounds like he's having sex while singing. lol.

The BAD ones:

David Choi, he sang too lightly. But, it is not that bad tho.

Sam Tsui ft. Tyler Ward; only the opening was good. He lacks the bass, the fierce, the voice strength for Rolling in the Deep. They tried to show their vocals too much. To enjoy this tho, hike up your equaliser bass a bit and blast high volume on yr earphones.

Jeff Hendrick; he sounds like he hasn't had a heartbreak before.

And Billboard announced that Rolling In The Deep is the most chosen song for remixes, around the world. HOYEAH. :D


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